Home, Sweet, Homeski

“What little children learn, they can never forget.”
– Rabbi Sardonicus the Elder (Collected Aphorisms & Sayings, vol. 18)

Surprised by the outburst of anti-Russia sentiments? Not me!
I saw us headed into “Cold War, Part 2” the moment I heard people calling Bernie Sanders a communist who honeymooned in Moscow. At that moment, I had not one doubt that the nation would head in that direction.

The Cold-War brainwashing of the 1940s-1960s lodged deep in the American psyche and there it will stay for at least 3 more generations.

The Anti-Russia propaganda which defined the Cold War filled an atavistic need.  It supplied us with a common enemy, fueled TEAM SPIRIT, and allowed us to cringe in fear without seeming cowardly. After all, the EVIL RUSSIA held our future in their hands!

Such good old days… After the USSR collapsed (as it always gets framed) Americans experienced a surge in jingoistic pride. Then came the let-down. After hating and fearing and feeling smugly superior, we found ourselves all on our own, adrift in a world of peace. Oh, the horror!

Since the USSR died, America has groped blindly for a new Big Enemy so that we may return to those shining days of pride coupled with mortal terror. Over the years, corporate media tried and tried to build up new enemies: Muslims. ISIS. Al Qaeda. Libya. Al-Shabaab… All fell flat, compared to our erstwhile partner in the Dance of Death. 

Yes, America failed to find a new enemy, so we had to gag on our pride and return to our comfort zone of fear: Russia.

As the swallows have no choice but to return to Capistrano, America’s destiny always lay back in Russia. We’ve longed to return to hatred and fear of Russia since the days of Mikhail Gorbachev, who ruined everything for us. Without Russia, whatever went wrong in America had to get blamed on… us! Nooooooooooo!!! Not that!!!!

Did you ever wonder about those couples who marry, then divorce, then get back together again, then divorce, then… on and on? Wonder no more! We have returned to our Number One enemy and it goes down like Mac and Cheese for many people.

Old enemies soothe us as nothing else can. So when all the election year fear-mongering hit a boiling point, it quite naturally spilled all over dear old mother Russia. It had to. Predictability-wise, nothing comes close.  The electioneering fear that filled us drove us right back to our DUCK & COVER, “better dead than red” training.

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Now see how happy it makes people? John McCain looks positively orgasmic! President Obama gets a new chance to please his parents’ generation. Liberals can now call anyone who disagrees with them TRAITORS! Conservatives can say WE TOLD YOU SO! The bile and vodka have commenced to flow in an orgy of hate and fear. Just like the old days. Our NATIONAL RELIGION HAS RETURNED.

And the benefits have already begun! We have no more internal problems in the Home of the Brave! THE RUSSIANS INSTIGATED EVERYTHING! We have clean hands… No matter what goes wrong, THE RUSSIANS DID IT!

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Oh happy day! Old-Timers have joy on their faces as they slam THE EVIL EMPIRE once again. Younger people can now score points with Gramps as they regurgitate the fears and hatreds of the past, all joining hands again in blast of retro-paranoia. 
After decades stumbling in the wilderness, a generation of Americans trained to hate and fear Russia has at last made it back home.

To those who cannot cope with reality as adults, and need to return to the safety of their long-gone childhood, it must feel so damn good.

We can now bask in a warm wave of nostalgia for the bad old days.
Our world has returned to normal.
We can forsake adulthood and return to a childhood where we never have to accept responsibility.

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HOORAY!!! We now have the right to hate Russia. Again. 

UPDATE: Nadine in Upstate comments below, “Next thing, the Hillary voters are going to blame the outer space UFO people and the shadow people for her loss.”
Just yesterday someone sent me this:
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2 Responses to “Home, Sweet, Homeski”

  1. Nadine -- Upstate New York Says:

    I don’t know whether to laugh or to laugh whilst reading your blog, Reverend Camarena! Back in the seventies or so, the anti-establishment types (hippies and libs) behaved as if Russia was the best and most righteous thing that came along since white bread and that the USA was a stupid jerk! They also had us thinking that the world was going to freeze up soon, (even though there was no snow where I lived at Christmastime in 1965 — 150 miles south of Canada!)

    Now, Russia is the secret boogeyman peeking at our computers! It’s so funny I can’t stop laughing! They actually forced the Democrats to shoot themselves in their feet!

    Next thing, the Hillary voters are going to blame the outer space UFO people and the shadow people for her loss.

    It never ends! Ghosts! Maybe the ghosts are to blame!

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