Hey “JOKERS”… God Says Yer Nuts!

For a new project I am working on, I have spent the last month delving into the world of Old-Time Radio (OTR). The project deals with visualization because, alas, in this age when people are bombarded by images at every turn (even TV sets in elevators!) our imaginations have atrophied. Experts say we are subjected to 300 ads per day! In this climate, the drama and comedy of OTR becomes an excellent stimulant to the imagination – to our ability to make images in the mind’s eye.

The suspense shows like THE SHADOW, LIGHTS OUT, SUSPENSE, and THE WHISTLER really burst into the mind with “special effects” that cost nothing and are all our own. Comedies like THE JACK BENNY PROGRAM to it brilliantly as well.

Back in the days of the great Radio comedian Fred Allen, his popular show ALLEN’S ALLEY featured a bloviating caricature of a Southern politician named “Senator Claghorn.” The blustery Claghorn would spout the most tortured “logic” and then grandly announce “IT’S A JOKE, SON!” 

In 1947, Senator Claghorn made a brief foray into the movies...

In 1947, Senator Claghorn made a brief foray into the movies…

Claghorn, as played by the brilliant actor Kenny Delmar (a graduate of Orson Welles’ “Mercury Theater”) became something of a national fad and was himself caricatured in Warner Bros. cartoons as the bellicose chicken FOGHORN LEGHORN, who may be more familiar to current comedy fans. The effort sorely taxed the vocal cords of voice artist Mel Blanc, who really through himself into the role.

Foghorn Leghorn

Foghorn Leghorn

That was then…
Today we have an outbreak of REAL Claghorns and Leghorns infesting politics.

Behold Ben Carson!

Six months ago I predicted that once Tea Party sock-puppet Ben Carson begins to get coverage outside his little group of hateful, ignoramus admirers, the world would immediately see how utterly stupid he is. With his barely coherent diatribes against what he calls “Women’s Lib,” as though this were 1972, his bizarre religious notions, and those patently fake stories about his childhood, Carson has reached a new low in empty rhetoric. But recently Carson outdid himself when he went on to suggest that gay couples should not “force” good christians – like himself – to make wedding cakes for them because… these god-fearing saintly people can easily poison the cake. Poison!

Carson caught so much flak over that one that he used his tried and true defense when he says something stupid: “I was only joking.”

“IT’S A JOKE, SON!”

And then hot on the heels of Carson’s sickening remark, came another bible-thumper xian taliban republican so minor that I won’t bother to name him (Ok, it was some yutz named David Moore, a Montana Republican). This bonehead went on a rampage about yoga pants. Seriously. He wanted to arrest women who wore yoga pants in public. And when he became a world-wide object of ridicule guess what he said? “I was only joking.”

“IT’S A JOKE, SON!”

It took decades, but conservative politicians have finally shown who they are and they are… a 1940s humorous, grotesque stereotype.

But here is the best part:

The vile, cake-poisoning Dr. Carson claims he likes to read. He says he especially reads the Bible, which he avers gives him all the answers to life and those pesky policy positions he needs to bone up on. Why bother to think about an issue when an archaic book can tell you just what to do? And of the books of the bible, Ben Carson has a favorite: “Every morning I read from the Bible. The book of Proverbs, written by King Solomon, is my favorite. (Perhaps this it is not surprising, given that my middle name is Solomon.)”

Don’t you just love his egocentric reason for reading Proverbs? Thank god his middle name is not “Karl” or today Carson would be the world’s stupidest communist. Be the as it may, as soon as I read of his love of Proverbs, I knew Carson was either lying, or he is too goddamn stupid to understand his favorite book. Why do I say this? Because the very action of saying something horrible and then claiming it is a joke… IS DENOUNCED RIGHT SMACK IN THE BOOK OF PROVERBS:

“Like a maniac shooting flaming arrows of death is one who deceives their neighbor and says, ‘I was only joking!'”
That is from Proverbs 26: 18

Keep in mind that this dimwit “believes that the Bible is the true, inspired word of God given to men and women, containing God’s plan of salvation and offering timeless wisdom and counsel that is always relevant, and he reads the Bible every day.”

Well, there it is, IN GOD’S PLAN! Anyone who deceives people and says IT’S A JOKE is a deadly maniac. God said that. God herself thinks that Carson and the Yoga Pants nut are BAD people. God explicitly denounced the very actions these xian talibaners engage in. As punishment, while they will most likely burn in hell forever, they should go right now and stand in the corner and flagellate themselves to whip this offensive behavior out of their sinning souls. Or, since Carson’s name is allegedly, Solomon, he should lock himself in a room and read The Song of Solomon (“A bundle of myrrh is my well-beloved unto me; he shall lie all night betwixt my breasts”) until his testicles explode.

Hey, I don’t wish him harm. I’m only joking…

Advertisements

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: